Why do we run away from things that make us happy?
We seem to be so caught up with a preconceived notion of how our lives are supposed to be that when a fresh wave of happiness sweeps in, we run for cover.
For as long as Smriti could think, she had always been unhappy. She would laugh and smile everyday, but she didn’t feel it. Her mother had told her that excessive happiness was a forewarning, “look out, something bad is going to happen”, she would say, whenever Smriti laughed till her face turned red. Smriti often brushed off these comments with a non-committal shrug of her shoulders and a smirk, but the memory of them stayed with her.
They haunt her today, these voices of foreboding, whispering warnings in her ears. They say, “Did he really think you looked beautiful or was it just sarcasm?”, “Was that smile genuine or was it because they knew about the skeletons in your closet?”. No matter how hard she tries, she can never get these demons off her back. They linger in her shadow, waiting to pounce upon the minutest trace of happiness and hope. They feed on it ravenously and grow strong – stronger than her will to persist.
She knows that one day, her mother’s demons will swallow her whole, and yet, she finds beauty in the sunset.